This is IT!!

 While waiting for the formal application to be approved, I was nervous and anxious.  My dad asked me, "If your application is rejected, would that kill you?" I said, , "Well no...." and he reminded me of this story..........

When I found out I was pregnant with Cheyenne, I was in the middle of Chemo for Lymphoma.  I was literally, just finishing up my 6th cycle, and I needed to have 12.  The morning I found out I was devastated, the doctors where telling me there was NO WAY that this baby could be normal, and even if I didn't abort, my body would more than likely reject the pregnancy anyway.  I finally told them they needed to leave, and I just prayed.  I remember putting my hands on my still flat belly ( I was only 3-4 weeks along) and praying to God.  Please let this baby live and please give me the peace that only you can give me.....and there it was.  It was all still in that moment and I knew that she would be OK. 

I had peace, but because of the cancer, the rest of the family was terrified. I had already decided to stop chemo and continue with my pregnancy. Daddy came to the hospital that afternoon and he was worried and scared.  He asked me, "What if having this baby kills you?" Without hesitation, my response was, "Then I die."  Daddy said it hurt him to hear me say that because I was his baby, and he didn't want to lose me anymore than I wanted to lose my baby.  But my faith at that moment in God showed, and I was rewarded with a beautiful, PERFECT baby girl. 

So was being rejected going to kill me....No!  And I was not going to be rejected! 

This whole process is such an emotional roller coaster. It is a daily struggle for me because I like to be in control.  I am reminded quite frequently that I am not the one in control.  I find myself apologizing to God on a daily basis for my lack of faith at times.

So....Yesterday we got the WONDERFUL news that our formal application had been approved!!!  I was so nervous, I could not even call the agency.  Roger came home and he was like, "Well, I am calling!"  He was nervous and excited too, and he just couldn't wait!  He talk to Ms. "C" and she said we are approved!  This means that they will begin our criminal background checks and contacting our references.  We will also be formally invited to orientation on February 3.  It is an all day thing, and the following Tuesday we will start classes.  We are over the moon, and so excited that our journey is really beginning now.  We still have quite a ways to go, but as we follow God's plan for us, we have faith that it will only get better.

⁵ I called on the LORD in distress; The LORD answered me and set me in a broad place.
 ⁶ The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?  Psalm 118:5-6