Types of Adoption

I have been meaning to get around to this post for several months now, so here it is.

For those of you that are not familiar with adoption, there are 3 different types of adoption; Closed, Semi-open, and Open.  I have listed them along with a brief explanation below.

Closed Adoption - The adoptive family and the birth parents have little or no contact before the birth.  They have no contact at all after the birth of the baby.  I have found that most agencies still require updates and pictures of the baby for the first few years, even if the adoption is closed.  I believe they do this because most birth parents will eventually want an update on how the baby is doing. If that is the case, the agency has the information and pictures readily available. I personally do not want a closed adoption, but I do know people who have them.  It seems to me that if the birth parents suddenly wanted an update and the adoptive parents had to provide it that they would feel anxious/worried about the birth parent wanting to be in the child’s life. It would create a sense of insecurity in them.  I think that if someone is going to have a closed adoption that sending the agency updates and pictures several times a year would help the birth parents knowing that they are there when they are ready for an update. 

Up until the last 20 years, almost all adoptions were closed.  So, for the birth parents it was as if their child disappeared in to a black hole, they had no knowledge of the baby’s life.  For the adoptive parents it was as if the baby just dropped down from the sky, they had no knowledge of the baby’s history.  This just seems so foreign to me.  I can't imagine never having the opportunity to at least speak with my child's birth parents. I want to have some contact with the people who will have given me the most precious gift anyone could give. 

Semi-open – A form of adoption that is intentionally designed to be a combination of a more traditional closed adoption and a more progressive open adoption, with the emphasis being on the "privacy" of all parties, rather than on "confidentially." Direct communication after the adoption is more limited, in the fashion that is agreed by the parties to be beneficial for everyone. Last names, addresses, and telephone numbers are usually not exchanged, while the sharing of photographs or other information for an agreed frequency and duration is common. All communication takes place through a third party, which is usually an adoption agency, an adoption attorney or a designated intermediary.

I would be ok with this type of adoption.  I would prefer some contact as opposed to no contact at all. 

Open – This one is a little trickier.  There seems to many different definitions of open adoption.  Some agencies/attorneys classify a semi-open adoption the same as an open.  I personally feel they are not the same.  In an open adoption, the initial contact is made through an agency or attorney.  However, the relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents is progressive It is progressive because they develop a trust and boundaries that allow them to comfortable exchange personal information.  Because they maintain contact outside of the agency/attorney, they usually coordinate their own visits. 

This is the type of adoption I am praying for.  I would love to be able to freely exchange pictures and information with the baby’s birth family.  I feel that it is critical for the baby as well as the birth family to have contact.  It will help the birth family see that the baby is loved and cared for, and it will help the baby to know where they came from. 

I have spent so much time reading about the different types of adoption and trying to educate ourselves on the process.  When I read the stories of families that are in successful open adoptions, it really warms my heart. 

I pray that one day my family will be the ones sharing our story with the world. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.   Romans 8:28

 Keep praying for us dear friends! 

1998, the best year of my life

In early 1998, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I had been sick for the better half of 1997, so the feeling that I felt to finally find out what was wrong with me and that it was treatable was more a feeling of relief than one of fear. After about 2 weeks of  testing and procedures I started chemo.

March 17, 1998 marked the halfway point of my treatment, and in early April I had to be hospitalized due to complications from the chemotherapy.  On Saturday April 4th, I woke up to the doctor sitting on  the side of my bed.  She told me that I was pregnant.  I was stunned.  She then went on to explain in great detail that chemotherapy destroys all cells and that the chances of my body rejecting this pregnancy was very high.  If my body didn't reject my pregnancy, then my baby would be born mentally handicapped, deformed, etc.  I was pretty upset after that conversation.

When I told mama and daddy, they were both pretty upset and scared. Abortion was not an option. I had decided that I was stopping the chemo to carry my child.  I was worried about my baby, and they were worried about their baby.  I was supposed to have 6 cycles of chemo for the type and stage of cancer that I was at.

I had only had 3 cycles.

When I told the doctor's that I not only was not having an abortion,but that I would not be continueing on with my chemo treatments, they were not very happy.  They did everything to make me feel like I was doing some heinous deed.  It was awful but I stood firm in my decision. I understood that their job was to treat me for cancer, not for pregnancy. I understood that they had years of medical traing as well as years of working in Oncology. 

But none of that was more, or could be more than I what I knew God had already done for me.  I remember holding my stomach and crying out to God that I needed him to help me through this.

He did. 

I delivered a healthy, beautiful, PERFECT baby girl.  This was not the only miracle he worked in my life.  After giving birth, the plan was for me to start back to chemo.  When doing tests and scans to see what had happened in my body during my pregnancy......they found nothing.  Zero, zilch, zip, nada.  Not only did the find no cancer, the scarring that had been in my lungs from the cancer, was also completely gone. 

I was touched by God's healing hand.  He is an amazing God.  He cradled my baby and kept her safe from the poison that was being put in my body in order to kill all living cells.  I often remind her that she has a reason for being here, because she certainly should not be here, especially with out any physical or mental disablities. 

My miracle baby turned 14 today. 

She is just as beautiful inside as she is out. 

Thank you, Heavenly father, for all of your tender mercies and for loving me in spite of my imperfections. I feel blessed that you took me down a path that I could not walk with out you.  It humbled me and increased my faith in you.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I am so thankful!

I have been feeling really down lately.  I am worried that it is going to take FOREVER to find our baby. (Is it just me or does FOREVER seem like a long time?)

Once again, my impatience has reared its ugly head! 

I was sitting at home one night this week, with a migraine headache, feeling miserable and I received a text from our previous pastor.  He was asking a question about our adoption agency.  I answered him and his next text read:

 “I know this process is long and can be discouraging. But I also know God’s timing is perfect. I had a good friend say one time “never underestimate the power of the process”. On the day your precious baby arrives at your house I believe you will say “Thank you Lord for this wonderful gift and thank you for what I have become during the time we waited.” 

I have read that text message several times a day since I got it.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at just the right moment. Thank you Lord for your gentle reminders!

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Trust ye in the Lord forever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength

Isaiah 26:3-4 KJV

Dear Heavenly Father, words do not express my thankfulness. Your mighty power is at work in me, transforming me, renewing my mind. I am thankful Lord for everything that You allow to cross my path. Thankful for the decisions that You allow me to make and the lessons that come from these decisions.  In Jesus name, Amen.

We are officially waiting!!!

Finally! 

I spoke to our social worker on Tuesday, our home study is complete and approved!!  She needed to confirm our lawyer's contact information so she could send it to their office directly.  We are thrilled to pieces that it is finished.  We went to our orientation in February, but we started the process in November 2011.  This has been the longest 11 months in my life! 

I want to say a heartfelt Thank you to everyone who has supported us and prayed for us while we were going through the home study process.  Please continue to pray for us as we start to look for our new sweet baby to bring home. 

I am still praying for birth moms, because they are always on my heart.   I pray that when we adopt our child that we will be able to have an open adoption with the birth family. 

Thank you again!  We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers!  God is SO good!

I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. 

John 14:18 NKJV

That's it! Or That's it?

As I started this entry, I was so excited thinking, the home visit is over....That's it!!  But then after looking back at how enjoyable and easy it has been with our new home study agency, I have to ask, that's it?  I am tickled pink, don't get me wrong.  It is just such a night and day kind of thing compared to our first agency.  We have been very happy with the communication, and kindness we have seen from our current agency.  It has been a blessing to work with them. 

When I spoke to our social worker a couple of weeks ago, she said that she has 2 weeks from the date of the homestudy to get the approval written up and complete.  So that would have put our approval date at no later than August 31.  Well she informed us that she has to go out of town to help her father out because he is having surgery.  She is leaving tomorrow...for 10 days which means we will not have our approval until the week of September 10.  There is a slim chance that she may get it done before she leaves, but it sounded like it wasn't going to happen.  But, that is fine, because we are still able to continue networking. 

We have some friends who started the domestic infant process with us, and have since changed to International adoption. They are in the process of adopting 3 little girls from Ethiopia.  Their girls are a little older, so they have no need for the crib and changing table they have. So, they offered it to us.  How awsesome is that?!  My parents will be coming down next month and they are bringing our family cradle with them.  My grandma bought the cradle for my parents when my mom was pregnant with my oldest sister.  All 5 of my parents children and all of their grandchildren have slept in this cradle.  It is very special to me.  I can already picture our new sweet baby sleeping in it. I have not started any crazy shopping or anything, but I do have an idea of what we would like to do in the baby's room.  If it is a boy, we are going to go with a Noah's Ark theme. Roger's baby bedroom theme was Noah's Ark so he loves that!   If it is a girl, I am thinking about bumble bees.  I am going to try very hard to stay away from the color pink if we have a girl....wish me luck! ;)

Please continue to pray for us, we would love to have you visit our Facebook page at Roger and Stephanie's Adoption.  Our contact information can be found under the About section on our page. Please help us get our name out there! 

Thank you all and God bless! 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever. 

Psalm 107:1

Networking

So now that we are not with an agency anymore, we are doing our own networking.  I have not started doing it as often as I would like, only because I have been quite busy.  But here is what I have done so far:

Facebook page - It is under Roger and Stephanie's Adoption.  If anyone wants to go and look at it and give me some feedback.  I want to get some more pictures up there. and start updating it on a more regular basis.  Our contact info is under the About section.  PLEASE, feel free to look us up and "like" our page!  I am encouraging everyone I can to do this.  The more people that like our page, the more notice we will get.  

New Cell phone number. - I added a line to our service with Verizon, specifically for the adoption.  I did this because we knew that this number is going to be available to many people and while we hope to find an expectant mother this way, we may find some other people who are looking to prank, or just be obnoxious.  If a situation with an expectant family presents itself, then we will give them our normal number. 

Tear away flyer - I found this idea through an adoption website that I joined. Quite a few adoptive parents have done this.  We recently took a trip to North Carolina to visit my family, and I was able to post some of the flyers and give them out to some family members who said they would post them at various places for us as well. 

Word of mouth - I have been telling any and everyone that will listen that we are looking to adopt.  So many adoptive parents that I have met were able to connect with expectant families this way. 
I have also contacted quite a few attorneys in Tennessee, Michigan, Illinois, North Carolina and Georgia. I am choosing states that not only do we have family there, but it would not be too long of a drive.  The reason for this is that if a child is born in another state, before that child can leave the state you have to have an approval from the birth state.  It can take several months. I would rather not fly with an infant, so driving it is.    

Dear friends, please remember us in your prayers.  We want to make sure that we are always walking in Gods will. 

Thank you for stopping by!!

Home Visit Scheduled

I am SO happy to type out the title of this post!! 

We had our individual interviews this past week and they went very well, according to us anyway.  Our new agency is seriously on the ball with the homestudy.  During my interview she asked if we could go ahead and schedule the home visit.

Uhmmmm, Yes? 

I was pleasantly surprised.  The visit will take place mid-August. At this rate we will be approved by the beginning of September.  We have been with the new agency for 1 month. Now, we did not turn in our homestudy paperwork to the old agency.  But in the very beginning they said that the EARLIEST we would be approved was September.  So, we have gone further in one month with the new agency, then we did in four months with the old agency.  This should make me happy, and it does a little, but I feel sorry for the expectant parents and adoptive parents who are still depending on them. 

I received an email early this week from the old agency advising that the director of the local office was stepping down.  So, here they go again with another staff change.  This one seems like it would be major and disruptive, but I don't think it will be.  I personally think this is going to be a good thing for that agency.  I also feel that they are probably going to have a rough couple of months as they work through this.  Of course, those are just my personal feelings.  I hope I am wrong. 

But enough about the old agency! They are a thing of the past and the past is where they will stay. 

Back to the reason for this post, the home visit.  Ahh...have lovelier words ever been typed?  Probably, but right now, I really don't care about anything but the home visit! 

Now that I have a date for the home visit, when I came home yesterday I started making one of my famous lists for this ever elusive, yet coveted adoption home visit.  ( I have not told my husband about this list yet...ha!) I know this visit is not about how clean my house is, or whether my fall decor is out or not. (of course it will be!)  But, I still have the urge to get into every thing that I can to clean and organize.  I have already started cleaning out my master closet and putting up some new shelves.  I don't know if the social worker will even want to look in there, but she's going to, even if I have to drag her by her ear in there!  This miraculous transformation must be documented.

*Just kidding*

*Maybe*

All I know, is that this puts us one step closer to having the new sweet baby in our arms.  We ache for that so very much.  I keep looking around at everything and thinking about how much this home will change once we have a little one here.  I miss those days of hearing my childs squeals of joy when Swiper the Fox was stealing things from Dora.  I know it seems a little weird that the theft of someone's property brought joy to my child, but it is just a cartoon folks.....:)

Our home is not the only thing that will be/has been transformed by this process.  I find that my heart,as well as Roger's is continually changing and seeking God even more and in different ways.  It has made us grow closer to God and each other.

I stand in awe everyday at how amazing our God is. Seriously....I NEVER stop feeling amazed by our Lord and Saviour.   We never would have made it this far if we had not stepped out on our Faith in him.  He is an AWESOME God! 

Good Bye for now, my closet is calling me to get back to work!

Let all Creation sing in wonder
Every sea, every creature, every star
You've opened up my eyes to wonder
What a vision, what a wonder You are

Let every rock cry out
Let every knee bow down
You've opened up my heart to wonder
What love, what a wonder You are

No power can tame Your presence
No light can match Your radiance

Such a wonder
Such a wonder
In Wonder by the Newsboys