Trust God First

We haven't had much going on lately with the adoption.  Roger's father had emergency heart surgery 3 weeks ago, and the adoption just kind of took a back seat. He is doing great now, so I am trying to get us back on track with this baby business........

I was going over all of the paperwork this week and we have everything done except for our self studies (10 pages for EACH of us!) and I am missing the vaccination records for one of our dogs.  Let me tell you, these self studies are pretty intense and I am learning things about my self, I had no clue about!!...lol...well, not really, but it sure feels like it!  We are planning to have everything done in the next several weeks. 

I have had something on my mind about our agency that has been bugging me. I am not anxious or nervous about it, just disappointed I guess.  We received an email from them, that was sent out to all of the families that currently have open cases.  This email stated that they had to cut their budget and that they were letting go of several people.  In addition to the staff cuts, they were evaluating their processes and there would be some other changes. These changes were going to affect people who were in the application phase and in the homestudy phase.  We fall under the homestudy category.  SO....that email was received 2 weeks ago today. The email also stated that everyone would be receiving a phone call by Friday, April 13, (TODAY) to let us know how we would be affected.  Of course, we were a little concerned, because we want to know asap how this is going to affect us. However, we thought, "Hey, they are probably going to be bombarded with phone calls over this, so let's just wait until they call us".  Well, we have not received any communication what so ever from our agency.  I have to say....THAT really disappoints me.  To make matters worse, I was reading another persons blog who is going through the same exact agency and she is a couple of years into this and she made a comment along the lines of Yet ANOTHER staff change.......Oh dear Lord...  Now, let me reiterate, I am not anxious in any way over this. For those of you that know me,  know if I were anxious I would have been calling them the day after we received the message about the changes.  I just wish they wouldn't tell us they are going to do something and not do it.  I am not doubting our decision to go with this particular agency, because I do believe we are there for a reason. 

I am not anxious because everyday, I am :

reminding myself that God is Sovereign. 

reminding myself to trust God first, and not man.

reminding myself of Psalm 118:8: It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. 

Dear Heavenly Father, It is your love that is helping me through this process. The daily revelation of your grace and mercy gives me a grateful heart and spirit that sustains me.  My greatest desire is to keep moving, growing and trusting in you.  I know that your desire is for me to live a life trusting in you with a completely surrendered heart.  Help me to continue to grow my trust in you so that I will be able to walk by faith and not by sight. In Jesus’ name, Amen.  

My Hope is in you

 I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You're near!

My hope is ,in You Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries Glory
Hallelujah, Father You're here!

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song

And I sing

My hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord!!!

Thank you Aaron Schust for singing such a beautiful song to worship our Lord and Saviour!! This song hits the nail right on the head!    

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 27:14

We are still working on our home study paperwork as well as waiting for our appointments for Psych evaluations, Expectations consultation with the agency (not sure what that even is!) and our physicals.  We can’t turn any of the paperwork in until those appointments are completed and the doctors submit the paperwork to the agency. That means more waiting….

[Insert Jeopardy “think” music here]

Now Y’all know how I feel about waiting…… Of course I remind myself again and again about Abraham in the Bible.  He trusted God and waited faithfully, and 25 years later, God was faithful to him and gave him a son. Now that’s some serious faith and patience right there…….

And we are not even through our homestudy yet!! 

I TRUST GOD, it is that simple. However, I have to learn to trust him to the point that I am no longer anxious.  Waiting and trusting go hand in hand, what a valuable lesson our God is teaching me!! 

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like Eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

Dear Heavenly Father,  I have asked you to direct my path, please give me the patience to stand on your promises.  Strengthen me as I wait.  I trust you and I will follow your lead.  In Jesus’ precious name, Amen. 

My sweet daughters.....

Just a note about my girls…..

I don’t know who does and who doesn’t know, so I am just going to put it out there all over again.  I have one bio DD who is 13 (I will refer to her as DDC) and one Step DD who is 15 (almost 16, refer to her as DDM).  These young ladies (my little girls) mean the world to me! 

They are very excited to become big sisters.  I have to say that I couldn’t have picked better big sisters.  DDM is already a big sister to DDC, and she is fiercely protective of her. NO ONE messes with her little sister!  I have seen DDM get mad at me when I have disciplined DDC in the past….that is how protective of her she is.   DDC has always been the little sister, so this will be her first older sibling experience, but if she is anything like her big sister, and she is, she is going to be an awesome big sister! 

Now, when these 2 girls are together, it is like no one else in the world exists.  They are so wrapped up in each other, giggling, talking, tell each other secrets, and sharing stories.  I have 3 sisters, so I know how it works.  When I was young, my sisters and I fought quite often.  My girls rarely fight.  I am REALLY blessed and I know it!! 

I want nothing but the best for them. I want them to grow up to be strong, confident, courageous, independent, Christian young ladies.  Among being all of those things, I also expect them to be respectful.  It is ok to disagree, or have your own opinion, but it is not OK to be hateful or angry.

I remind them quite frequently, I am NOT your friend, I am your Mom.  I do not care if you like me, but you will respect me.  They always know what to expect from me.  As much as I said growing up, “I will NEVER treat my kids the way MY mom treated me…”

***Here it goes…..

I have become my mother….

And I could NOT be more proud!  What an awesome role model I had…And guess who is my friend now?? My Mama!  When I need advice, I call her.  She raised 4 daughters, so she knows the drill pretty well!  

Even if we are not able to adopt, I can truly say that I have known all the joys of motherhood because of these two girls.  They both have big hearts and big dreams.  I am so incredibly proud of them and the way they handle themselves. 

I Love my daughters!!!!! 

Dear Heavenly father, I pray that my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions.  Please clothe them with the virtue of compassion. Let love and faithfulness never leave them, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablets of their hearts. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Orientation was a success!

Friday we attended our orientation with the adoption agency. I was SO prepared to feel overwhelmed, but I feel even more peace about our decision to go with this agency.  You all know how I feel about birthmother's, and this agency has such an amazing ministry for birthmom's regardless of whether they decide to parent thier child or place it with another family.  No matter what the decision this agency offers them a lifetime of counseling.......at no charge!  Isn't that AWESOME?  What a way to bless these mothers. 

We left our house early to drive down to Nashville, so that we would have enough time to stop and grab some breakfast.  We stopped about 3 minutes from the church that was hosting orientation.  I wolfed my breakfast down and then sat there, ever so patiently ;) while my DH SLOWLY ate his breakfast.....I was so anxious to get there and make sure we had a seat up front.  Of course we were about 15 minutes early, and I was able to grab the oh so coveted front table....Ahhhh....breathe...seriously, I had to remind my self to breathe.
Now, to those who know me they will tell you that I am goofy, fun, outgoing and quite personable. However, itinitially, I am kind of quite and shy.  We had another couple (whom I will refer to as the Nix) that sat at the table with us, and they were so incredibly nice.  Mrs. Nix introduced herself and her husand to me, (first, of course, because I was just gonna sit there like a bump on a log!).  Once the orientation started, all the couples in the room had the opportunity to introduce themselves. There were approximately 15 couples.  So it started out with several different people who were in different adoptive situations, the adoptee, the adoptive parents, adoptee adoptive parents, international adoptions, special needs, and even embryo adoptions.  It was all very informative and it covered so many different aspects.  I loved it!  I like to hear people tell stories, so this was a treat for me. 

When we took a break for lunch, Mr and Mrs Nix asked us to join them.  We headed over to the Cracker Barrel and had an awesome lunch.  The food was good and the company was great!  They too are homeschoolers, and that is awesome for me, because I have no other friends in this area that I can talk to about homeschool.  I really enjoyed talking about the adoption and what we had learned that morning in the orientation. 

After lunch we went back to the church for the afternoon session of the orientation. It began with a little Q & A with the social workers.  We then received our homestudy paperwork....UGHHHH.....it is alot!!  We have to have quite a bit done for this package.  We have no due date though, it is all in our own time.  We reviewed all the paperwork in the package as a group.  We also have required reading.  They gave us a list of books and said we have to read 3.  We bought one at the orientation.  I narrowed the rest of the list down to four.  I could not pick only two out of the four, so I bought all four.....!!!! I have come to the realization that my little expandable file I bought for this journey is just not going to work.  I am already busting out of it....Oy vey! 

We are still praying and seeking God every step of the way through out this process.  We can not do this with out his hand guiding us every step of the way.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.   Proverbs 3:5-6

Patient Anticipation

Up till now, I been hurry up and waiting......

That's how I feel about it anyway!  We have our orientation this Friday!!  I am SO looking forward to going to this thing.  I am not sure exactly what it will be about, but it is an all day thing.  I have a funny feeling some of the stuff they cover will be an eye opener for DH.  I have done so much reading and educating myself on the adoption process, I don't think I will be very surprised. 

I took Chey to meet her dad in Northern, KY this weekend.  That is the 1/2 way point between my house and his house in Michigan.  She was excited to see him, but she has a hard time being away from home. She is such a little homebody, and I love it!  She likes her space, her things, her bed, etc.  Even when she goes to stay overnight at a friends house, she is calling me early the next morning to see when I will be coming to pick her up.  She text me several times a day and also calls me.  She is a Mama's girl, no doubt about it.  I struggle watching her growing up and being more and more independent. My heart swells with such pride at the young lady she is becoming. But then it hurts too because I never want her to leave me. 

DH and I worked on moving some new furniture into our bedroom this weekend, and moving the old stuff out.  I am already feeling the urge to start getting ready for the homestudy.  I feel several lists coming on....!  I get my list making skills from my mama.  We make lists for our lists...lol...My DH is gonna probably flip out when he sees the lists I am going to make.  Right now, they are just kind of rambling around in my head, but they will be in black and white soon enough!  Oh Joy!!  :)

I have been continuing to pray for birthmothers.  It is so near and dear to my heart that sometimes I think about them and I just get all teary eyed.  There are many things about this adoption that I am not sure of.  But the one thing I am positive of is that I want an open adoption.  DH says he doesn't mind, but I think he is a little nervous about it. I have joined an adoption forum website, and the forums about birthparents makes me realize how strong of a bond adoptive parents have with them.  The adoptive parents on this website are SO protective of their children's birthparents. The birth mom especially!  I look forward to having that bond one day! 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12 NIV

This is my Mama....

Proverbs 31 Wife she is.....

The Virtuous Wife

¹⁰ Who^[b] can find a virtuous^[c] wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.