1998, the best year of my life

In early 1998, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I had been sick for the better half of 1997, so the feeling that I felt to finally find out what was wrong with me and that it was treatable was more a feeling of relief than one of fear. After about 2 weeks of  testing and procedures I started chemo.

March 17, 1998 marked the halfway point of my treatment, and in early April I had to be hospitalized due to complications from the chemotherapy.  On Saturday April 4th, I woke up to the doctor sitting on  the side of my bed.  She told me that I was pregnant.  I was stunned.  She then went on to explain in great detail that chemotherapy destroys all cells and that the chances of my body rejecting this pregnancy was very high.  If my body didn't reject my pregnancy, then my baby would be born mentally handicapped, deformed, etc.  I was pretty upset after that conversation.

When I told mama and daddy, they were both pretty upset and scared. Abortion was not an option. I had decided that I was stopping the chemo to carry my child.  I was worried about my baby, and they were worried about their baby.  I was supposed to have 6 cycles of chemo for the type and stage of cancer that I was at.

I had only had 3 cycles.

When I told the doctor's that I not only was not having an abortion,but that I would not be continueing on with my chemo treatments, they were not very happy.  They did everything to make me feel like I was doing some heinous deed.  It was awful but I stood firm in my decision. I understood that their job was to treat me for cancer, not for pregnancy. I understood that they had years of medical traing as well as years of working in Oncology. 

But none of that was more, or could be more than I what I knew God had already done for me.  I remember holding my stomach and crying out to God that I needed him to help me through this.

He did. 

I delivered a healthy, beautiful, PERFECT baby girl.  This was not the only miracle he worked in my life.  After giving birth, the plan was for me to start back to chemo.  When doing tests and scans to see what had happened in my body during my pregnancy......they found nothing.  Zero, zilch, zip, nada.  Not only did the find no cancer, the scarring that had been in my lungs from the cancer, was also completely gone. 

I was touched by God's healing hand.  He is an amazing God.  He cradled my baby and kept her safe from the poison that was being put in my body in order to kill all living cells.  I often remind her that she has a reason for being here, because she certainly should not be here, especially with out any physical or mental disablities. 

My miracle baby turned 14 today. 

She is just as beautiful inside as she is out. 

Thank you, Heavenly father, for all of your tender mercies and for loving me in spite of my imperfections. I feel blessed that you took me down a path that I could not walk with out you.  It humbled me and increased my faith in you.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I am so thankful!

I have been feeling really down lately.  I am worried that it is going to take FOREVER to find our baby. (Is it just me or does FOREVER seem like a long time?)

Once again, my impatience has reared its ugly head! 

I was sitting at home one night this week, with a migraine headache, feeling miserable and I received a text from our previous pastor.  He was asking a question about our adoption agency.  I answered him and his next text read:

 “I know this process is long and can be discouraging. But I also know God’s timing is perfect. I had a good friend say one time “never underestimate the power of the process”. On the day your precious baby arrives at your house I believe you will say “Thank you Lord for this wonderful gift and thank you for what I have become during the time we waited.” 

I have read that text message several times a day since I got it.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at just the right moment. Thank you Lord for your gentle reminders!

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Trust ye in the Lord forever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength

Isaiah 26:3-4 KJV

Dear Heavenly Father, words do not express my thankfulness. Your mighty power is at work in me, transforming me, renewing my mind. I am thankful Lord for everything that You allow to cross my path. Thankful for the decisions that You allow me to make and the lessons that come from these decisions.  In Jesus name, Amen.

We are officially waiting!!!

Finally! 

I spoke to our social worker on Tuesday, our home study is complete and approved!!  She needed to confirm our lawyer's contact information so she could send it to their office directly.  We are thrilled to pieces that it is finished.  We went to our orientation in February, but we started the process in November 2011.  This has been the longest 11 months in my life! 

I want to say a heartfelt Thank you to everyone who has supported us and prayed for us while we were going through the home study process.  Please continue to pray for us as we start to look for our new sweet baby to bring home. 

I am still praying for birth moms, because they are always on my heart.   I pray that when we adopt our child that we will be able to have an open adoption with the birth family. 

Thank you again!  We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers!  God is SO good!

I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. 

John 14:18 NKJV

That's it! Or That's it?

As I started this entry, I was so excited thinking, the home visit is over....That's it!!  But then after looking back at how enjoyable and easy it has been with our new home study agency, I have to ask, that's it?  I am tickled pink, don't get me wrong.  It is just such a night and day kind of thing compared to our first agency.  We have been very happy with the communication, and kindness we have seen from our current agency.  It has been a blessing to work with them. 

When I spoke to our social worker a couple of weeks ago, she said that she has 2 weeks from the date of the homestudy to get the approval written up and complete.  So that would have put our approval date at no later than August 31.  Well she informed us that she has to go out of town to help her father out because he is having surgery.  She is leaving tomorrow...for 10 days which means we will not have our approval until the week of September 10.  There is a slim chance that she may get it done before she leaves, but it sounded like it wasn't going to happen.  But, that is fine, because we are still able to continue networking. 

We have some friends who started the domestic infant process with us, and have since changed to International adoption. They are in the process of adopting 3 little girls from Ethiopia.  Their girls are a little older, so they have no need for the crib and changing table they have. So, they offered it to us.  How awsesome is that?!  My parents will be coming down next month and they are bringing our family cradle with them.  My grandma bought the cradle for my parents when my mom was pregnant with my oldest sister.  All 5 of my parents children and all of their grandchildren have slept in this cradle.  It is very special to me.  I can already picture our new sweet baby sleeping in it. I have not started any crazy shopping or anything, but I do have an idea of what we would like to do in the baby's room.  If it is a boy, we are going to go with a Noah's Ark theme. Roger's baby bedroom theme was Noah's Ark so he loves that!   If it is a girl, I am thinking about bumble bees.  I am going to try very hard to stay away from the color pink if we have a girl....wish me luck! ;)

Please continue to pray for us, we would love to have you visit our Facebook page at Roger and Stephanie's Adoption.  Our contact information can be found under the About section on our page. Please help us get our name out there! 

Thank you all and God bless! 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever. 

Psalm 107:1

Networking

So now that we are not with an agency anymore, we are doing our own networking.  I have not started doing it as often as I would like, only because I have been quite busy.  But here is what I have done so far:

Facebook page - It is under Roger and Stephanie's Adoption.  If anyone wants to go and look at it and give me some feedback.  I want to get some more pictures up there. and start updating it on a more regular basis.  Our contact info is under the About section.  PLEASE, feel free to look us up and "like" our page!  I am encouraging everyone I can to do this.  The more people that like our page, the more notice we will get.  

New Cell phone number. - I added a line to our service with Verizon, specifically for the adoption.  I did this because we knew that this number is going to be available to many people and while we hope to find an expectant mother this way, we may find some other people who are looking to prank, or just be obnoxious.  If a situation with an expectant family presents itself, then we will give them our normal number. 

Tear away flyer - I found this idea through an adoption website that I joined. Quite a few adoptive parents have done this.  We recently took a trip to North Carolina to visit my family, and I was able to post some of the flyers and give them out to some family members who said they would post them at various places for us as well. 

Word of mouth - I have been telling any and everyone that will listen that we are looking to adopt.  So many adoptive parents that I have met were able to connect with expectant families this way. 
I have also contacted quite a few attorneys in Tennessee, Michigan, Illinois, North Carolina and Georgia. I am choosing states that not only do we have family there, but it would not be too long of a drive.  The reason for this is that if a child is born in another state, before that child can leave the state you have to have an approval from the birth state.  It can take several months. I would rather not fly with an infant, so driving it is.    

Dear friends, please remember us in your prayers.  We want to make sure that we are always walking in Gods will. 

Thank you for stopping by!!

Home Visit Scheduled

I am SO happy to type out the title of this post!! 

We had our individual interviews this past week and they went very well, according to us anyway.  Our new agency is seriously on the ball with the homestudy.  During my interview she asked if we could go ahead and schedule the home visit.

Uhmmmm, Yes? 

I was pleasantly surprised.  The visit will take place mid-August. At this rate we will be approved by the beginning of September.  We have been with the new agency for 1 month. Now, we did not turn in our homestudy paperwork to the old agency.  But in the very beginning they said that the EARLIEST we would be approved was September.  So, we have gone further in one month with the new agency, then we did in four months with the old agency.  This should make me happy, and it does a little, but I feel sorry for the expectant parents and adoptive parents who are still depending on them. 

I received an email early this week from the old agency advising that the director of the local office was stepping down.  So, here they go again with another staff change.  This one seems like it would be major and disruptive, but I don't think it will be.  I personally think this is going to be a good thing for that agency.  I also feel that they are probably going to have a rough couple of months as they work through this.  Of course, those are just my personal feelings.  I hope I am wrong. 

But enough about the old agency! They are a thing of the past and the past is where they will stay. 

Back to the reason for this post, the home visit.  Ahh...have lovelier words ever been typed?  Probably, but right now, I really don't care about anything but the home visit! 

Now that I have a date for the home visit, when I came home yesterday I started making one of my famous lists for this ever elusive, yet coveted adoption home visit.  ( I have not told my husband about this list yet...ha!) I know this visit is not about how clean my house is, or whether my fall decor is out or not. (of course it will be!)  But, I still have the urge to get into every thing that I can to clean and organize.  I have already started cleaning out my master closet and putting up some new shelves.  I don't know if the social worker will even want to look in there, but she's going to, even if I have to drag her by her ear in there!  This miraculous transformation must be documented.

*Just kidding*

*Maybe*

All I know, is that this puts us one step closer to having the new sweet baby in our arms.  We ache for that so very much.  I keep looking around at everything and thinking about how much this home will change once we have a little one here.  I miss those days of hearing my childs squeals of joy when Swiper the Fox was stealing things from Dora.  I know it seems a little weird that the theft of someone's property brought joy to my child, but it is just a cartoon folks.....:)

Our home is not the only thing that will be/has been transformed by this process.  I find that my heart,as well as Roger's is continually changing and seeking God even more and in different ways.  It has made us grow closer to God and each other.

I stand in awe everyday at how amazing our God is. Seriously....I NEVER stop feeling amazed by our Lord and Saviour.   We never would have made it this far if we had not stepped out on our Faith in him.  He is an AWESOME God! 

Good Bye for now, my closet is calling me to get back to work!

Let all Creation sing in wonder
Every sea, every creature, every star
You've opened up my eyes to wonder
What a vision, what a wonder You are

Let every rock cry out
Let every knee bow down
You've opened up my heart to wonder
What love, what a wonder You are

No power can tame Your presence
No light can match Your radiance

Such a wonder
Such a wonder
In Wonder by the Newsboys

My Husband's Heart

It Is beautiful. 

And not just in a yeah, he's a good guy, he's a Christian kind of way. 

It is beautiful, in a  pure heart, true believer, Gospel sharing, awesome Husband, amazing Daddy, full of Christ's love sort of way.

Did I make myself clear enough? 

The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him,
The Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The Spirit of counsel and might,
The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord      Isaiah 11:2 NKJV

I never thought any man could ever love our Lord and Saviour as much as my own Daddy does, but I have found one!!  He trusts God, and knows that the Bible IS the infallible word of God.  He seeks wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit always. The Holy Spirit in turn gives my husband the wisdom to teach and guide me in patience and trust. 
He has a boldness in Christ that I have always seen in my Daddy and I am proud to call him the leader of our home.  He is neither a harsh, nor selfish leader, and he grows in love and care for our family. Because of this, I have grown in willing and loving submission to my husband's leadership.

As with any Christian my husband has been through attacks from the devil, and the world, and even sinful flesh in its obvious forms.  But, because of his knowledge of God's word, those attacks will never work.  He spoke with someone earlier this week, and as the phone call progressed, he was talking about the bible and how it gives us instructions for our lives. After realizing that this person had no idea what he was talking about in the Bible, finally, he asked them, "Are you Christian?" (the very nature of the phone call suggested otherwise, so it needed to be asked) But, he was prepared for it.

¹⁶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for

 reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be

 complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.  2 Timothy 3:16-17

**********

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.  Colossians 2:8

**********

 ¹⁰ Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,^[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; ¹⁶ above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. ¹⁷ And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;  Ephesians 6:10-17

I thank God every day for my amazing husband. 

He is amazing only by the Grace of God. 

Sorry for the silence

I have been such a bad blogger lately.  I have been so busy that by the time I sit down and open my laptop to blog, I just kind of go limp. Physically, mentally, emotionally....limp.  It takes every bit of energy that I have left at the end of the day just to drag myself to the freezer and get three two one ice cream sandwich.  I keep telling myself that I don't want to be one of those bloggers who only blogs a couple of times and then just completely stops.  Of course, I have ran across a few of those, and it drives me nuts!  I want to know what happened, did they adopt? Get pregnant? Have a failed match? What happened??!!! I promise, I will not leave anyone hanging! 

However, after many days and nights of prayer and crying (on my part of course, I can't get Roger to cry no matter how hard I try....ha ha) Roger and I have decided to leave our current agency.  We had not turned in our paperwork to them yet.  We only had to get vaccinations updated for our dog Bear.  He has reactions to the shots, so I have to medicate him and take him on a Saturday so that I can watch him the rest of the day.  Well, EVERY single Saturday, something kept coming up.  In the meantime, we kept praying, and seeking God.  I have found several different couples in different phases of the adoption that are using our agency and they have nightmare stories to tell.  One couple in particular, the wife has become very dear to my heart. I actually have not known her very long, and I have only seen her a couple of times, but we talk often. When God puts someone in your heart, you can feel their pain, and I felt hers.  I prayed with supplication for our friends, our agency and our situation. 

And you know what? 

Do I even need to type it....

God answered.  As always! 

He put things and people in our path that made our way perfect. 

I am still praying for the agency and for all of the families that are in the different stages of adoption with them.  I have met some people who are really hurting and it breaks my heart for them. They have so much money tied up in this agency that they don't feel like they can leave.  Please help me to pray for them.

 Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless the families going through trials during the adoption process, no matter what agency they are with. Minister to their spirit, and where there is pain and hurt, give them your mercy and healing. Where there is fear, reveal your love and give them courage. Raise up their spiritual leaders, and friends to support and encourage them. In Jesus' precious name I pray, Amen. 

Joy in Trials?

I borrowed this from a blog friend of mine...(of course I asked permission first!)  I enjoyed it, and I hope you will too! 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Why would we be joyful when facing trials and hardships?  That's a pretty foreign concept to us, isn't it?  Don't we face trials and hardships as a consequence to sin and as a result of living in a fallen world?  Well, yes, but that's not always the case. 

Maybe there's a bigger purpose.

Look back at the verse.  Trials = the testing of our faith

The testing of our faith develops perseverance.  Beth Moore states that the Greek word for perseverance means to "nerve oneself", or keeping your feet while being tossed around by strong winds, or "heroic endurance".  Perseverance = endurance

Endurance works in us to make us mature (or "perfect" in a different version) and complete. Perfect, not meaning sinless, but "that which has achieved or reached its goal, objective, purpose", lacking nothing.

Remember Jeremiah 29:11? "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'".  God has plans for each of us.  So, trials in our life are the testing of our faith which push us toward the goal and purpose that God has for us. If we don't experience these trials, we don't become mature and complete and wouldn't reach those goals.

We can be assured that we will experience all kinds of trials and hardships in this life.  We can be joyful, even in the midst of those things, knowing that those things are working in us to mature our faith and put us one step closer to God's goal for us.

He is the Potter and I am the Clay

I am a work in progress!!!!

After my last post, I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with our adoption agency.  I was so disappointed in them.  I started looking at other adoption agencies, and seeing what they had to offer, just out of curiousity....well that's what I told myself.
I know that, but my human nature wants me to doubt and question God's will. I thank God that he allows me to die to self daily. I am still learning to distrust myself, my wisdom, my strength and look to God alone for it all.

This is the only way I can walk in the spirit and live a victorious life!!  

I have been praying incessantly for this particular branch of our adoption agency. I am praying for all of the adoptive and birth families that are passing through there.  The agency has an amazing opportunity to minister to so many people, and I pray that none of those opportunities are missed. 
 
Heavenly Father, Thank you for keeping me spinning on your potter's wheel, shaping and reshaping me.  Help me to keep my clay moist with daily prayer in accordance to your will. Please keep your hand on the ministry at the adoption agency. I pray that all families who come in contact with them also come in contact with you.  In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

Trust God First

We haven't had much going on lately with the adoption.  Roger's father had emergency heart surgery 3 weeks ago, and the adoption just kind of took a back seat. He is doing great now, so I am trying to get us back on track with this baby business........

I was going over all of the paperwork this week and we have everything done except for our self studies (10 pages for EACH of us!) and I am missing the vaccination records for one of our dogs.  Let me tell you, these self studies are pretty intense and I am learning things about my self, I had no clue about!!...lol...well, not really, but it sure feels like it!  We are planning to have everything done in the next several weeks. 

I have had something on my mind about our agency that has been bugging me. I am not anxious or nervous about it, just disappointed I guess.  We received an email from them, that was sent out to all of the families that currently have open cases.  This email stated that they had to cut their budget and that they were letting go of several people.  In addition to the staff cuts, they were evaluating their processes and there would be some other changes. These changes were going to affect people who were in the application phase and in the homestudy phase.  We fall under the homestudy category.  SO....that email was received 2 weeks ago today. The email also stated that everyone would be receiving a phone call by Friday, April 13, (TODAY) to let us know how we would be affected.  Of course, we were a little concerned, because we want to know asap how this is going to affect us. However, we thought, "Hey, they are probably going to be bombarded with phone calls over this, so let's just wait until they call us".  Well, we have not received any communication what so ever from our agency.  I have to say....THAT really disappoints me.  To make matters worse, I was reading another persons blog who is going through the same exact agency and she is a couple of years into this and she made a comment along the lines of Yet ANOTHER staff change.......Oh dear Lord...  Now, let me reiterate, I am not anxious in any way over this. For those of you that know me,  know if I were anxious I would have been calling them the day after we received the message about the changes.  I just wish they wouldn't tell us they are going to do something and not do it.  I am not doubting our decision to go with this particular agency, because I do believe we are there for a reason. 

I am not anxious because everyday, I am :

reminding myself that God is Sovereign. 

reminding myself to trust God first, and not man.

reminding myself of Psalm 118:8: It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. 

Dear Heavenly Father, It is your love that is helping me through this process. The daily revelation of your grace and mercy gives me a grateful heart and spirit that sustains me.  My greatest desire is to keep moving, growing and trusting in you.  I know that your desire is for me to live a life trusting in you with a completely surrendered heart.  Help me to continue to grow my trust in you so that I will be able to walk by faith and not by sight. In Jesus’ name, Amen.  

My Hope is in you

 I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You're near!

My hope is ,in You Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries Glory
Hallelujah, Father You're here!

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song

And I sing

My hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord!!!

Thank you Aaron Schust for singing such a beautiful song to worship our Lord and Saviour!! This song hits the nail right on the head!    

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 27:14

We are still working on our home study paperwork as well as waiting for our appointments for Psych evaluations, Expectations consultation with the agency (not sure what that even is!) and our physicals.  We can’t turn any of the paperwork in until those appointments are completed and the doctors submit the paperwork to the agency. That means more waiting….

[Insert Jeopardy “think” music here]

Now Y’all know how I feel about waiting…… Of course I remind myself again and again about Abraham in the Bible.  He trusted God and waited faithfully, and 25 years later, God was faithful to him and gave him a son. Now that’s some serious faith and patience right there…….

And we are not even through our homestudy yet!! 

I TRUST GOD, it is that simple. However, I have to learn to trust him to the point that I am no longer anxious.  Waiting and trusting go hand in hand, what a valuable lesson our God is teaching me!! 

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like Eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

Dear Heavenly Father,  I have asked you to direct my path, please give me the patience to stand on your promises.  Strengthen me as I wait.  I trust you and I will follow your lead.  In Jesus’ precious name, Amen. 

My sweet daughters.....

Just a note about my girls…..

I don’t know who does and who doesn’t know, so I am just going to put it out there all over again.  I have one bio DD who is 13 (I will refer to her as DDC) and one Step DD who is 15 (almost 16, refer to her as DDM).  These young ladies (my little girls) mean the world to me! 

They are very excited to become big sisters.  I have to say that I couldn’t have picked better big sisters.  DDM is already a big sister to DDC, and she is fiercely protective of her. NO ONE messes with her little sister!  I have seen DDM get mad at me when I have disciplined DDC in the past….that is how protective of her she is.   DDC has always been the little sister, so this will be her first older sibling experience, but if she is anything like her big sister, and she is, she is going to be an awesome big sister! 

Now, when these 2 girls are together, it is like no one else in the world exists.  They are so wrapped up in each other, giggling, talking, tell each other secrets, and sharing stories.  I have 3 sisters, so I know how it works.  When I was young, my sisters and I fought quite often.  My girls rarely fight.  I am REALLY blessed and I know it!! 

I want nothing but the best for them. I want them to grow up to be strong, confident, courageous, independent, Christian young ladies.  Among being all of those things, I also expect them to be respectful.  It is ok to disagree, or have your own opinion, but it is not OK to be hateful or angry.

I remind them quite frequently, I am NOT your friend, I am your Mom.  I do not care if you like me, but you will respect me.  They always know what to expect from me.  As much as I said growing up, “I will NEVER treat my kids the way MY mom treated me…”

***Here it goes…..

I have become my mother….

And I could NOT be more proud!  What an awesome role model I had…And guess who is my friend now?? My Mama!  When I need advice, I call her.  She raised 4 daughters, so she knows the drill pretty well!  

Even if we are not able to adopt, I can truly say that I have known all the joys of motherhood because of these two girls.  They both have big hearts and big dreams.  I am so incredibly proud of them and the way they handle themselves. 

I Love my daughters!!!!! 

Dear Heavenly father, I pray that my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions.  Please clothe them with the virtue of compassion. Let love and faithfulness never leave them, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablets of their hearts. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Orientation was a success!

Friday we attended our orientation with the adoption agency. I was SO prepared to feel overwhelmed, but I feel even more peace about our decision to go with this agency.  You all know how I feel about birthmother's, and this agency has such an amazing ministry for birthmom's regardless of whether they decide to parent thier child or place it with another family.  No matter what the decision this agency offers them a lifetime of counseling.......at no charge!  Isn't that AWESOME?  What a way to bless these mothers. 

We left our house early to drive down to Nashville, so that we would have enough time to stop and grab some breakfast.  We stopped about 3 minutes from the church that was hosting orientation.  I wolfed my breakfast down and then sat there, ever so patiently ;) while my DH SLOWLY ate his breakfast.....I was so anxious to get there and make sure we had a seat up front.  Of course we were about 15 minutes early, and I was able to grab the oh so coveted front table....Ahhhh....breathe...seriously, I had to remind my self to breathe.
Now, to those who know me they will tell you that I am goofy, fun, outgoing and quite personable. However, itinitially, I am kind of quite and shy.  We had another couple (whom I will refer to as the Nix) that sat at the table with us, and they were so incredibly nice.  Mrs. Nix introduced herself and her husand to me, (first, of course, because I was just gonna sit there like a bump on a log!).  Once the orientation started, all the couples in the room had the opportunity to introduce themselves. There were approximately 15 couples.  So it started out with several different people who were in different adoptive situations, the adoptee, the adoptive parents, adoptee adoptive parents, international adoptions, special needs, and even embryo adoptions.  It was all very informative and it covered so many different aspects.  I loved it!  I like to hear people tell stories, so this was a treat for me. 

When we took a break for lunch, Mr and Mrs Nix asked us to join them.  We headed over to the Cracker Barrel and had an awesome lunch.  The food was good and the company was great!  They too are homeschoolers, and that is awesome for me, because I have no other friends in this area that I can talk to about homeschool.  I really enjoyed talking about the adoption and what we had learned that morning in the orientation. 

After lunch we went back to the church for the afternoon session of the orientation. It began with a little Q & A with the social workers.  We then received our homestudy paperwork....UGHHHH.....it is alot!!  We have to have quite a bit done for this package.  We have no due date though, it is all in our own time.  We reviewed all the paperwork in the package as a group.  We also have required reading.  They gave us a list of books and said we have to read 3.  We bought one at the orientation.  I narrowed the rest of the list down to four.  I could not pick only two out of the four, so I bought all four.....!!!! I have come to the realization that my little expandable file I bought for this journey is just not going to work.  I am already busting out of it....Oy vey! 

We are still praying and seeking God every step of the way through out this process.  We can not do this with out his hand guiding us every step of the way.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.   Proverbs 3:5-6

Patient Anticipation

Up till now, I been hurry up and waiting......

That's how I feel about it anyway!  We have our orientation this Friday!!  I am SO looking forward to going to this thing.  I am not sure exactly what it will be about, but it is an all day thing.  I have a funny feeling some of the stuff they cover will be an eye opener for DH.  I have done so much reading and educating myself on the adoption process, I don't think I will be very surprised. 

I took Chey to meet her dad in Northern, KY this weekend.  That is the 1/2 way point between my house and his house in Michigan.  She was excited to see him, but she has a hard time being away from home. She is such a little homebody, and I love it!  She likes her space, her things, her bed, etc.  Even when she goes to stay overnight at a friends house, she is calling me early the next morning to see when I will be coming to pick her up.  She text me several times a day and also calls me.  She is a Mama's girl, no doubt about it.  I struggle watching her growing up and being more and more independent. My heart swells with such pride at the young lady she is becoming. But then it hurts too because I never want her to leave me. 

DH and I worked on moving some new furniture into our bedroom this weekend, and moving the old stuff out.  I am already feeling the urge to start getting ready for the homestudy.  I feel several lists coming on....!  I get my list making skills from my mama.  We make lists for our lists...lol...My DH is gonna probably flip out when he sees the lists I am going to make.  Right now, they are just kind of rambling around in my head, but they will be in black and white soon enough!  Oh Joy!!  :)

I have been continuing to pray for birthmothers.  It is so near and dear to my heart that sometimes I think about them and I just get all teary eyed.  There are many things about this adoption that I am not sure of.  But the one thing I am positive of is that I want an open adoption.  DH says he doesn't mind, but I think he is a little nervous about it. I have joined an adoption forum website, and the forums about birthparents makes me realize how strong of a bond adoptive parents have with them.  The adoptive parents on this website are SO protective of their children's birthparents. The birth mom especially!  I look forward to having that bond one day! 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12 NIV

This is my Mama....

Proverbs 31 Wife she is.....

The Virtuous Wife

¹⁰ Who^[b] can find a virtuous^[c] wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Working on our Service Plan

I am feeling pretty excited today....Our reference letters have all gone out for personal and employment. 

I am anxiously awaiting the Orientation next week.  I think once we finish that I will really feel like we are moving forward on a more consistent basis. 

We started working on our service plan this week, which is basically a questionarre to help us start thinking about what we do/do not want in a child/birthparents.  I am finding that my husband and I are having a little trouble navigating these difficult discussions.  We have been able to mediate our own  arguments discussions by listening to what the other person has to say and not discrediting the value of their input. The problem is that I am extremely passionate and quick to my feet when it comes time for decisions.  I lead with my heart and run full steam ahead into things that I am passionate about.  My darling Roger?....He needs more passion......

*Sigh*

I have so much love and respect for my husband.  He is logical, loving and firm.  He does not make decisions without careful consideration.  His voice of reason is an important part of my decision making. 

I do appreciate his insight, and I will continue to pray that God will have his way through out this entire process.  What we have is a partnership and we have to be united on our decisions for this adoption.

They are BIG ones.   

Waiting and waiting some more

I hate WAITING!  Roger told me last night, "You can be SO impatient sometimes!"  And I know this.  For the most part, I am patient, however, right now.......not so much.  I want to go to the orientation and start the homestudy so that we can get on the waiting list.  2 weeks and 1 day, thats how long until we have the orientation.  It seems like forever....!!!  I remember being 13 years old and thinking about how I would be 30 years old in 17 years. THAT seemed like FOREVER.  Unfortunately that was not the case....30 came and went pretty quickly.  I know that this time shall pass quickly as well.....I just wish it would hurry UP! 

We have so much excitement in our house right now.  We are talking about baby names, what if it's a boy, what if it's a girl.....Good stuff.  We just can't wait to have that precious baby in our arms. 

We have told most people in our families now.  Roger's dad and mom were so excited!  My mother in law said....how long before you have a baby.  I was explaining to her that the wait AFTER approval was apx 18 months to 4 years.  She said,"We can't wait that long, I'll be old!"  Bless her heart, she so excited to be a grandma again.  It feels so amazing to be surrounded by the loving family that we have, and to know that they support us.

We are abundantly blessed and highly favored!! 

“The LORD bless you and keep you; The LORD make His face shine upon you,
 And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance upon you,
      And give you peace.”’  Numbers 6:24-26

This is IT!!

 While waiting for the formal application to be approved, I was nervous and anxious.  My dad asked me, "If your application is rejected, would that kill you?" I said, , "Well no...." and he reminded me of this story..........

When I found out I was pregnant with Cheyenne, I was in the middle of Chemo for Lymphoma.  I was literally, just finishing up my 6th cycle, and I needed to have 12.  The morning I found out I was devastated, the doctors where telling me there was NO WAY that this baby could be normal, and even if I didn't abort, my body would more than likely reject the pregnancy anyway.  I finally told them they needed to leave, and I just prayed.  I remember putting my hands on my still flat belly ( I was only 3-4 weeks along) and praying to God.  Please let this baby live and please give me the peace that only you can give me.....and there it was.  It was all still in that moment and I knew that she would be OK. 

I had peace, but because of the cancer, the rest of the family was terrified. I had already decided to stop chemo and continue with my pregnancy. Daddy came to the hospital that afternoon and he was worried and scared.  He asked me, "What if having this baby kills you?" Without hesitation, my response was, "Then I die."  Daddy said it hurt him to hear me say that because I was his baby, and he didn't want to lose me anymore than I wanted to lose my baby.  But my faith at that moment in God showed, and I was rewarded with a beautiful, PERFECT baby girl. 

So was being rejected going to kill me....No!  And I was not going to be rejected! 

This whole process is such an emotional roller coaster. It is a daily struggle for me because I like to be in control.  I am reminded quite frequently that I am not the one in control.  I find myself apologizing to God on a daily basis for my lack of faith at times.

So....Yesterday we got the WONDERFUL news that our formal application had been approved!!!  I was so nervous, I could not even call the agency.  Roger came home and he was like, "Well, I am calling!"  He was nervous and excited too, and he just couldn't wait!  He talk to Ms. "C" and she said we are approved!  This means that they will begin our criminal background checks and contacting our references.  We will also be formally invited to orientation on February 3.  It is an all day thing, and the following Tuesday we will start classes.  We are over the moon, and so excited that our journey is really beginning now.  We still have quite a ways to go, but as we follow God's plan for us, we have faith that it will only get better.

⁵ I called on the LORD in distress; The LORD answered me and set me in a broad place.
 ⁶ The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?  Psalm 118:5-6

Happy New Year!

Well, the new year is upon us and I am very excited to see what this year will bring us!  We received approval on our initial application in December...YAY!!!  Praise the Lord!  We were confident we would be approved, it was just the waiting that was hard.  However, keeping busy helped us not dwell on what we were waiting for! 

We celebrated Chey's 13th birthday and she had a good time.  We had cake and ice cream with her friends from church and she had a couple of friends stay overnight.  They had fun playing her new Wii Just Dance game.  It was quite entertaining to watch actually. 

Anyhow, when we originally talked about adoption we really just wanted a son.  Now my heart is heavy because I know I would be happy with a son or a daughter.  If we were pregnant we wouldn't be able to decide anyway, so I am just feeling like we should open our hearts to either sex.  Roger and I have been talking about it, and even though we would love to have a son...we agreed to submit our formal application for either sex!   AAAHHHH.....whew....I had to get that out!  We submitted our formal application today too. We should know if it is approved within 24 hours. 

We also decided that we definitely want to adopt more than one child.  Not all at one time, but over the course of a few years.  I can't help but think...am I crazy!?  I am 37 and Roger is 44.....but it feels so right.  God's sweet whispers have been ever present encouraging us to keep going with his plan.  I am not going to say that it doesn't ever seem intimidating, or scary, but I just remember all of the amazing things that God has done and continues to do in our lives.  He has been faithful, and he will be faithful again.  I felt a little anxious/overwhelmed when we submitted our formal application.  Not sure why....I think it is because you have to tell all your financial info, family info(our parents/siblings/kids), previous marriages, past employment.....It was a little intimidating.  So I called upon my father....

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

Dear Heavenly Father, your word reassures me of your presence and confirms that you are always by my side.  Your perfect love casts out my fear.  I thank you for the peace that only you can give.  In Jesus precious name, Amen.