I have been meaning to get around to this post for several months now, so here it is.
For those of you that are not familiar with adoption, there are 3 different types of adoption; Closed, Semi-open, and Open. I have listed them along with a brief explanation below.
Closed Adoption - The adoptive family and the birth parents have little or no contact before the birth. They have no contact at all after the birth of the baby. I have found that most agencies still require updates and pictures of the baby for the first few years, even if the adoption is closed. I believe they do this because most birth parents will eventually want an update on how the baby is doing. If that is the case, the agency has the information and pictures readily available. I personally do not want a closed adoption, but I do know people who have them. It seems to me that if the birth parents suddenly wanted an update and the adoptive parents had to provide it that they would feel anxious/worried about the birth parent wanting to be in the child’s life. It would create a sense of insecurity in them. I think that if someone is going to have a closed adoption that sending the agency updates and pictures several times a year would help the birth parents knowing that they are there when they are ready for an update.
Up until the last 20 years, almost all adoptions were closed. So, for the birth parents it was as if their child disappeared in to a black hole, they had no knowledge of the baby’s life. For the adoptive parents it was as if the baby just dropped down from the sky, they had no knowledge of the baby’s history. This just seems so foreign to me. I can't imagine never having the opportunity to at least speak with my child's birth parents. I want to have some contact with the people who will have given me the most precious gift anyone could give.
Semi-open – A form of adoption that is intentionally designed to be a combination of a more traditional closed adoption and a more progressive open adoption, with the emphasis being on the "privacy" of all parties, rather than on "confidentially." Direct communication after the adoption is more limited, in the fashion that is agreed by the parties to be beneficial for everyone. Last names, addresses, and telephone numbers are usually not exchanged, while the sharing of photographs or other information for an agreed frequency and duration is common. All communication takes place through a third party, which is usually an adoption agency, an adoption attorney or a designated intermediary.
I would be ok with this type of adoption. I would prefer some contact as opposed to no contact at all.
Open – This one is a little trickier. There seems to many different definitions of open adoption. Some agencies/attorneys classify a semi-open adoption the same as an open. I personally feel they are not the same. In an open adoption, the initial contact is made through an agency or attorney. However, the relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents is progressive It is progressive because they develop a trust and boundaries that allow them to comfortable exchange personal information. Because they maintain contact outside of the agency/attorney, they usually coordinate their own visits.
This is the type of adoption I am praying for. I would love to be able to freely exchange pictures and information with the baby’s birth family. I feel that it is critical for the baby as well as the birth family to have contact. It will help the birth family see that the baby is loved and cared for, and it will help the baby to know where they came from.
I have spent so much time reading about the different types of adoption and trying to educate ourselves on the process. When I read the stories of families that are in successful open adoptions, it really warms my heart.
I pray that one day my family will be the ones sharing our story with the world.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
